See cat eat cat

The illustrious Chris has made note of research that has surfaced concerning the effect cat-related parasites have on people – that is, that toxoplasma parasites give us “feelings of insecurity, slower reactions, schizophrenia, paranoia, and, in women, open-heartedness”.

The papers yesterday also pointed out that pregnant women exposed to these parasites are more likely to give birth to male children. Which neuters the problem – yeah, more women are bonkers, but meanwhile they’re populating the world with more men.

What I want to know is, how the living fuck are they researching this? Do they ask for volunteers, then infect a cat and rub it in their faces?

“Okay, that’s that. We need to inseminate you now, and then repeat the test. Bend over and drop ’em.”

And you think cats are evil? Fuck.

We know cats are evil. We know this. This is a Good Thing.

Chris also comments on my well-known loves of tea and meat. I feel clarification is in order.

Tea is the Elixir. This is a universal truth. It has been variously said to cool one down, heat one up, cure stress, calm one down, perk one up and to prevent death by crushing. And, when I want tea, I want neither the poxy grey water that is Typhoo or Asda’s own, nor the washing up liquid that is Earl Grey. Tetley, bit o’ milk, no sugar. And I want it now.

As for meat… This is harder to explain.

You know those vampires in those movies? Where they can’t eat people, because they’re either nice vampires or scared vampires or whatever? Legal / moral repurcussions. Take out the moral side of that equation, and you have my attitude towards meat. I am simply not allowed to enjoy meat in its natural state. A man was tried for manslaughter for eating another man a couple of years ago. In fucking Germany, where it was legal to kill whoever you fucking wanted until 1988. Check it on Wikipedia. It’s true.

Speaking of meat, PETA have started advertising that feeding meat to children constitutes a violation of human rights, because meat leads to obesity, heart disease and impotence. I shan’t link to them, because they’re psychos. But obesity? Heart disease? Chocolate, sugar? Fucktards.

Published in: on October 13, 2006 at 5:06 am  Comments (7)  

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7 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. One woman can ruin the lives of many men.

    The possible increase in male births by women with high levels of Toxoplasm is just the human immune system trying its best to deal with the coming catastrophe.

    CATastrophe. you think that’s a coincidence?

    btw, I imagine they found a group of women with high levels of toxoplasm and a group with low levels, and then compared the sex of their offspring.

    The notwelshman – cynical about humans, optimistic about cats.

  2. I’m going to adopt that as my tagline.

  3. you guys have issues. both of you.

    still, it now gives me another very good reason for me to never ever ever have children, because I have nearly always had a cat, and I will have more, and I talk to random cats that i meet.. and I REALLY don’t want to have a son, you’ve seen how the males turn out in our family and I’m not putting myself through that!

  4. I’ll have you know that I’m wonderful.

    Although, having had my hair cut on Saturday, I saw my reflection and noticed a distinct similarity to Dad. It was fucking scary.

  5. Oh dear God. Grow a tache. It’ll have the joyful consequence of keeping you single, and therefore happy, and will provide hours of mocking for all around you. And you’ll never be more than a movement of your bottom-lip away from tea again.

    We have issues! We should start a lobby group or something.

  6. The elder Scaplehorn no longer sports a lip-worm, unfortunately!

    But I like my issues. They keep my life entertaining…

  7. As do they keep us all entertained!

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